Okay so I have been postponing writing this entry for close to a week now. Why because writing it means I will take down the veil that covers my soul and you might read about my short comings. I know, I know but bear with me.
Okay this past week Tracy (hubby) and I have been busy talking to our Parish Priest about renewing our wedding vows. Things were going great until all of a sudden I found myself getting irritated about the small stuff. I mean like totally acting like Oscar the Grouch (well maybe even worse, who knows).
The thing is, this is not the first time. I can think back a few years ago when I was younger (if you can picture dinosaurs still roaming the Earth you went back too far) and as I was busy planning the wedding, excited with the start of a new phase in my life, I remember cringing every time I heard things like, obedience and submissiveness. I wonder why do I have to be submissive? Why do I have to obey him? I am not a dog!
The months before our wedding I really struggled with these. You see my mom (trust me when I tell you I love her dearly) is beyond a feminist woman. She tried her best to instill in my sisters and me a sense of "me" and only me. We saw this through her failed marriages and relationships. We saw this through friendships she took for granted, through the place she gave my sisters and I in her life. Don't get me wrong I love her, after all she is my mother, but all this added a "sting" so to speak to my heart every time I heard I had to submit myself to yet another person's will. I did the only thing I knew to do, I prayed.
3 months of praying, of reading the Bible. and finally it hit me when I read
Ephesians 5:24 "as the Church submits to Christ so wives should submit to their husbands in ALL things."
I found out the meaning of submissiveness-to surrender oneself.
Now that doesn't sound too bad does it? I can picture giving up all my struggles, all my worries, all my anxiety and having peace.
When we submit to our husbands in all truth we are submitting to Christ! I am to submit in ALL things to him, because in doing so I am honoring the One who has given it all up for me. I stopped my pettiness and was ready to be the bride God called me to be , to the man called to be my husband.
I wish I could tell you it ended there and I have never struggled but I would be lying. I still struggle with that more then I wished to sometimes. It feels like the enemy of marriages whispers in my ears things like "He doesn't appreciate what you do" , "why can't he do it, you are already SO busy" and many more.
The thing is as a human (yes I checked I'm still one..well on most occasions) we will always have struggles but you can take comfort in knowing God doesn't give up on us.
When I kept having this feeling trying to creep up one me I ran to His arms.
I read the verses that speak to my heart. I pray and yes I asked my husband for his forgiveness when I act like a woman of the flesh. My love for him is deep and if I am to be the wife God created me to be I am to surrender myself and become one with my husband so that He can lead us to be witnesses of one of His greatest master pieces, love.
So take heart if you find yourself struggling sometimes, put down whatever you are doing and run to Him. Read His Word. Let your Spirit be renewed and know that I am praying for you too. Marriage takes work but as wives we must remember we are "pillars" of our homes. Don't listen to the lies being whispered into your ears, instead chose to surrender completely to the man who God chose for you and take comfort in knowing God will be holding your hand as you leave Grouch land.
Feel the peace in surrendering yourself today...